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 | Jan 22, 2002 | Spitfire  | 
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(sigh), well....thank you Audiophile for the enlightening update :)
What's this? Updating twice in one week? Thats right! I've got some more Sh!t to shove down your throat, and you're gonna take it like a good reader should! Lets start, for example, with
a discussion of just how incredibly cold Saskatchewan can be...well...today was the first day that I actually slapped on my headband to protect my ears from the sharp, icey fingers of this
stupid cold winter (okay, its been pretty nice up until now...but still). Interested in a second opinion, I promptly email JayB to ask him exactly what he thought of the weather...his response was a resounding "ITS FUCKING COLD". I concur.
Now that I'm finally warmed up, I've got some more mindless dribble to pack in. Like what? Well....ever wonder why Britney Spear's breasts change size and shape every
time you see her? Well although this has never occured to yours truley, somebody else has apparently been losing sleep over it...and he has compiled this flash video
to bring forth the scandal.
Wow, I just realized that a great deal of the content on this page lately has had a direct relation to breasts. Well...can't hurt to add another.
Alright, alright, enough with that for awhile....hmmmmmm.....
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For those of you who like watching stupid-dangerous motorcycle tricks, have a peek at these videos:
[1]
[2]
[3]
Well those should take you awhile to download, but let me tell you - they're well worth it. There's just something about watching other people endanger their lives that makes you want to laugh a good, hearty laugh. As if you were actually there yourself
participating in the magic of these wonderous occasions. Enough to make DP punch himself in the nuts!
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Note to _SPACE_ : | | Thank you for mentioning me on your site. And yes, I do want you to start making up things about me...now that I'm not the most popular person on the internet anymore, I could use the attention.
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Anyhow, since the internet sucks so bad these days (come on! Snap to it, soul_d!), I'm going to make this short and leave you with a little nugget of advice:
"In our family, the rule was, never keep a soda can between your legs when you're in the car. My father told us this wicked story about a man who was driving with a can and between his legs and got into a bad car wreck. And pfffttt! He lost his Johnson. To this day, I cannot drive with a can between my legs. And I warn all my friends, too. I say, 'Don't do that man.' And they say, 'Why?' And I say: 'Because you could lose your uh-uh that way. I mean, seriously, man."
- Brad Pitt
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| Jan 06, 2002 | soul_d  |
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Memorable Quotes from Saturday Night
you don't get to know who said them, because you might tell Steven, and he doesn't get to know
"OH MAN! That girl has her hand on the other girl's boobie!"
"There's lots of lesbians here."
"Nathan, you are full of shit. I mean, I'm full of shit, but someday I aspire to be as completely full of shit as you are."
"So this is the Pat."
"In my chest beats a regulation size NFL football. My skin is covered with the chalk of the fifty yard line."
"Ok, next Saturday we have to go back to the Pat so I can wheel the beer tub girl."
DARREN MILLS HAD BETTER BE CLEAN.
"Oh my God! She is so hot! I can't even look at her, it hurts my eyes. It is like staring at the sun. That is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life!"
"She's not that great"
"Good, you stay away from her ... Oh crap. She has a boyfriend."
"Well, you win some, you lose some."
"The football has just been torn from my chest."
"I have ovaries. They're just undecended testes. I am glad I am fertile. Being barren is uncool."
"She's crazy. I mean, put it this way. I went to her place a while back, and you know, hung out and had some coffee. When I left, I forgot one my CD's that we were listen to. Instead of going back to get it, I decided to buy it again."
"Woah, I'm in love with that girl."
"What's she doing working at the 7-11?"
"Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control. FUCK YOU, ANTICHRIST. YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
"Viking 2-6, this is Blue Velvet."
"Roger Blue Velvet, this is Viking 2-6. We are about 5 clicks your november, over ... Blue Velvet, this is Viking 2-6, we are under heavy fire, over"
"Viking 2-6, you're in the back seat of my car."
"Caution, Blue Velvet, your coming into a hot LB."
"Hey, check out GI Jane over there."
"Hey dude, she's setting us up with GI Jane."
"Oh no."
"I hate Charton Heston. You're going down, antichrist!"
"He was Moses."
"It's ok, I just got stopped by the cops last night."
"I love her, she's the reason I come here."
"Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control. FUCK YOU, BUSH. DON'T FUCK WITH MY CARIBOU, MY CARIBOU!!!"
Graeme is gay.
"If some guy tries to get in my pants, I'll bite his face off. I had a dream that I did that."
"RUN RUN RUN!"
"shit!!! fuck!!!"
"C'mon hurry, get in the car! get in the car!"
"she's gonna kill us! fuck!"
"GO GO GO!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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| Dec 17, 2001 | soul_d |
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I Heart Girls
I mostly just think about girls, so I thought I'd put up an Rblords update that reflects that sentiment. In this update you will find several girls that I am madly in love with. Each of these girls is a 10 on my list, so I decided to do some other rankings. You will find scores out of ten for each girl in three categories. Fun, depicting how enjoyable spending time with her would be, Problems, depicting how much inconvenience I would experience, and Pain, depicting how much injury and suffering I would sustain. If you can email me their names, you will win the prize. This week, the prize is Dog Pound's self respect. I apologize in advance for using the term PDA in this article. The first person to forgive me for it wins Dog Pound's Limp Bizkit CD. Also, you can email me telling me which girl you think would be the best choice for me, and why, and I will see about posting your comments in a future update.
Here is a list of previous contest winners:
- Dog Pound's Minidisc player was won by Darren Mills
- Dog Pound's computer speakers were won by Dog Pound
- Choice of one item from Dog Pound's Bedroom was won by Dog Pound
- Dog Pound's services as butler for a week was not won by anyone.
- Dog Pound's Aliens Special Edition DVD was won by Graeme Humphries
- Vance Lester's flat panel monitor was won by Graeme Humphries
- Everything Vance Lester owns was won by Graeme Humphries
Bryce Sasko is a short man that will fuck you up
Girl Number One
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Girl Number One is truly a princess. She is so hot. I think about her daily and nightly.
I think she'd like to go to parks with me and just kind of hang out. I think she'd want to talk my ear off, and that would be alright. She's probably pretty smart. I bet she'd like also like to make fun of other people with me. We'd go to Booster Juice lots and she'd call me dumb when I'd talk like Arnold Schwarzenegger .
The problem with dating this girl would be that the guy on the left would keep hassling us and calling me Wang Chung. He'd be mad because he's an asshole. He'd yell at me lots until I'd want to cry but wouldn't because I can't. Then he'd want to fight me. I think I can take him.
Fun Factor: 7
Problems: 4
Pain Factor: 3
Who'd be in charge?: She would.
PDA: 17A
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Girl Number Two
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Girl Number Two is an absolute angel. I heart her very much.
We'd drive around in my truck and listen to CJWW because that's all you can get on my radio. But that would be good enough because she'd know all the lyrics to every song Alabama ever wrote, and sing along all the time. We'd stop at Dairy Queen to get milkshakes, and then we'd sit around watching the cars go by. We'd also go on road trips often, to places like 39 mile junction and the Blacktop Diner, just for fun.
There's this rock star goblin that would be constantly sending me on a demon hell ride. He'd mess up my artwork in a big way. I'd always be having to figure out his tricks and deceptions. He's mad because the 70's are over, and nobody told him. I think I could kick his ass.
Fun Factor: 8
Problems: 7
Pain Factor: 3
Who'd be in charge?: I would.
PDA: PG
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CKB is the main man in the Hall. He's down with all the civic sweeties.
Girl Number Three
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Girl Number Three is amazing. She is very athletic, and full of energy.
We'd exercise lots and go do martial arts in the park. She'd probably really like my nunchaks. When we weren't working out, we'd be enjoying nature. We'd spend many summer days camping at lakes, and we spend many evenings at The Pat. She'd probably also have a great time coming with me visiting my many friends. I think she'd really enjoy Busby's Monaco Hell Ride.
This total goof ball would keep hasling me, and trying to kill me. He's mad because sunlight burns him. I'm pretty sure I can take him, but he can fly, which makes things harder.
Fun Factor: 9
Problems: 5
Pain Factor: 2
Who'd be in charge?: I would.
PDA: PG-13
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Girl Number Four
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Girl Number Four is a like a diamond. How her heart sings.
We'd spend lots of time walking. I think she'd really enjoy things like picnics and trips to the art gallery. She wouldn't talk very much about nothing in particular, but when she did talk, it would really count. She'd be the strong silent type, but when she gets angry, watch out! I think her and I would be a couple of raging alcoholics, because she'd really be into getting drunk and cutting loose, because she is so in control most of the time. Her and I would probably get into lots of trouble. But, with any luck, her dad is rich.
First off, this magical undead guy would be coming around and singing to me and making me see snakes. He's funny, but he's also a big asshole, and wears out his welcome fast. He's mad because he's dead. He'd also be hitting on my girl, so I'd have to kick his ass, and that shouldn't be too hard. The alien would be a nuisance, because it has acid for blood, and two mouths. The aliens are mad because they are ugly. These things are just plain rude, and would also be trying to eat us, and lay eggs in our mouths. This would make it hard to go anywhere and have a good time, due to a fear of dying. I'd have to fight them all the time. We'd be at the GNC so I could pick up some stuff, and then the alien would show up and tear the store apart. The alien would be hissing and drooling and swinging it's tail, and I'd look at it and say, "Fuck with me, and find out." And then we would battle. I think I could take the alien, but it would hideously scar me with it's acid blood and double mouth.
Fun Factor: 6
Problems: 10
Pain Factor: 25,000
Who'd be in charge?: She would, but it wouldn't look like it.
PDA: PG
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Girl Number Five
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Girl Number Five is what is right about America.
Her and I would go clubbing lots. We'd also drive around in my camaro looking for people that are playing football that I can challenge. Then we'd hustle them somehow. We'd make lots of money, and to impress her, I'd hire Guns N' Roses to come and put on a private show for us. I'd set up lots of drywall in my garage for them to break. She'd be so happy, she'd start to cry. Then we'd go get slurpees.
There's these two assholes that would keep showing up and putting me through tables when we were out dating. It would get to be very hard on my back. These guys are mad because they have the same mom, but different dads. I think I could take them.
Fun Factor: 7
Problems: 5
Pain Factor: 8
Who'd be in charge?: I would.
PDA: PG
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Girl Number Six
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Girl Number Six is a Dixie Land Delight.
Her and I would spend a lot of time on her uncle's farm, because that is where she likes to be. I'd also have fun there too. She'd get mad at me because I'd spend too much time ripping shit with her cousins instead of spending time with her, but I would just kiss her until she'd shut up, and then we'd go off-roading in her jeep. I think I'd take her to the long branch, because she likes country music.
This fat bastard with a big hat would be messing with me all the time. He's mad because he got fat. He'd have the GRC all over me. Lucky for me, the GRC would be dumber than normal, because he only hires really stupid people. I'd kick his ass.
Fun Factor: 8
Problems: 10
Pain Factor: 2
Who'd be in charge?: The Mopar.
PDA: PG-13
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It's a hard life living a lie. I HEART BOOBS AND THAT'S THE TRUTH!
Girl Number Seven
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Girl Number Seven is a totally rad girl
I think we'd be very active. We'd work out together, and then go out for Chinese food. I think she'd enjoy supporting me in my athletic endeavors, as I would certainly enjoy supporting her. We'd spend lots of time throwing things at cars from the overpass. I think she'd also like it when I'd sing pop music for her.
The Soviet Union. They'd be on me like giant bag of hammers. They'd be constantly trying to take her away form me, because they are communists. They're mad because McDonald's costs too much in their country. I'd have to fight them in many nations. I'm pretty sure that I can take the Soviet Union.
Fun Factor: 7
Problems: 6
Pain Factor: 4
Who'd be in charge?: I would.
PDA: PG
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Girl Number Eight
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Girl Number Eight is stellar!
I think girl number eight would be into partying down hard. I also think she'd like going bowling, which is good, because we'd be bowling lots. I think she'd like dining out often, and at different places. I think she'd enjoy just getting out in general, and having fun.
This Star Trek asshole, he'd always be beaming me away from her, and I'd have many hard journeys. He's mad because he never learnt how to read. He'd tell me that I'm illogical, and I'd tell him that "Mama said to knock you out." I think he'd probably use his phaser on me lots, because he is a prick. I could still kick his ass, though.
Fun Factor: 8
Problems: 5
Pain Factor: 4
Who'd be in charge?: She would.
PDA: PA-14
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HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!
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| Dec 09, 2001 | Spitfire |
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Well...bet you all thought I had abandoned the site! Well, I guess I kinda have, but I'll still stop in once in awhile to leave my mark. In the
meantime I'm sure soul_d will keep us entertained with many strange, huge updates. Last I
heard he was even working on an ongoing comic strip.
What have I been up to lately? How kind of you to ask! Bought a new car....yeah, another one. That Cordoba I bought a month ago turned out to be
a piece of crap, so I picked up a '74 Dodge Monaco (The Bluesmobile!). It is, indeed, 10x uglier than any car I have ever owned...but has earned a place
in my heart, and my driveway. I'll tell you this now: Nothing destroys "Road Closed" signs and shopping carts better than the steel bumper of a '74 Monaco :)
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Other than that...I've been looking at some houses (to buy). I'm getting a pretty good deal renting the place I'm in, but it still drives me nuts that my 'rent' is dissapearing into
a black hole and I don't really own the place (doesn't help having a landlord hanging over your shoulder). So...I figured with the interest rates the way they are, why not? So I
guess that has kept me fairly busy....I sold that old Station Wagon of Unit3's...
Oh yeah, it's also Winter. And for those of you not living in good ol' Saskatoon...its very white here. Can't
complain about temperatures so far though....for December it's actually been pretty mild...but that doesn't mean I don't miss the summer. We can all sit and envy JavaGirl, who is
roasting on the beach in Mexico at the moment for her honeymoon...probably the only time she'll ever be warm!!
This picture on the left made me think of Razor for some reason....don't ask me why :)
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I came across a video that I would like to share with all of you..especially Blue4130...but ESPECIALLY soul_d. For those
who don't know (or haven't noticed), soul_d has Oriental fever. All he eats is rice all day (I'm not joking!) and I heard him the other day telling everyone that his mother was
Korean. He's also taken up Tae-Kwon-Do (did I spell that right?) and is getting quite the collection of Jet Li videos. But anyways...check out this Korean
Commercial ... if you don't get it, maybe you're not old enough. _SPACE_ had better cover her eyes! You too YC.
...Oh, to be young again...
I suppose I should also mention that I attended Saskatoon's hottest LAN of 2001, hosted at (who else?) Razor's new mansion. For those of you who didn't know, Razor
is still surviving, in an old mansion surrounded by bats. I can't tell you where exactly this house is, because he won't tell me. In fact, to find his house I had to drive blindfolded as he directed me over the phone! Anyhow...got a chance to play some mean games
of UT and some very heated games of air hockey with JayB (yes, he's still alive).
Well thats that. Time to get to bed so I can wake up bright and early to better serve our great city!
Chao,
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| Nov 30, 2001 | soul_d |
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Soul D Review's DRAGON FIST
I know someone that talks on the phone when pooping.
Starring Jackie Chan
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1979. Jackie Chan is a student in a martial arts school that is very happy because their master just won a big tournament. The school was gleefully carrying away their prize, a giant sign, when another martial arts school approached them. The master of this school challenged Jackie Chan's master, and mercilessly beats him, giving him fatal injuries. This master steals the giant sign, and then destroys the other giant sign that Jackie Chan's school had.
Later, the mean master's wife kills herself so that the gods will not take anger with her husband for the murder he committed. This breaks the mean master, as he realizes how selfish and rude he was in killing the master of the other kung-fu school. Another Kung-Fu school shows up, and starts killing the mean master's men, secretly. It is evident that a war is going on.
Jackie Chan travels hundreds of miles to gain vengeance for his master. He beats up a bunch of people that get in his way, and then he eventually arrives at the mean master's school. The master demands that all of his students treat Jackie with respect, as he owes him a debt. Jackie Chan, his foster mom, and his foster sister sit down with the master and his daughter. The master asks Jackie Chan if is okay if he comes back in three days to collect what he is owed. Jackie agrees.I'm afraid of the candyman.
Jackie Chan returns to collect his vengeance, but offers forgiveness when the master presents Jackie with a giant gold sign to replace the one he broke, as well as his own severed leg in a box. Jackie leaves and gets really upset.
Meanwhile, this other kung-fu school poison's Jackie Chan's foster mom so that he will do their dirty work in exchange for the antidote. Jackie Chan is framed for the murder of the masters grandson. The masters school is framed for the murder of Fatso. Fatso is some big guy that was killing lots of people. Jackie Chan shows up to the masters school again with the other kung-fu clan and
apologizes to the crippled master for having to do what he is. Eventually, everyone starts fighting, and most of the students are killed. The evil kung-fu clan orders Jackie Chan to kill the master and his disciples. The evil clan has Jackie Chan's foster mom held hostage. She tells Jackie not to kill the master, and then suddenly dies. Jackie opens a can of whoop-ass on this guy that happened to be in arms length. Then he kills all the people in the evil clan. Then really really big letters come up spelling "THE END."
Kurt Angle Don't Surf.
And in other news, Dog Pound won the song lyric contest again by correctly identifying the lyric "In my arena you will fail" as belonging to the song "Scrum" by Slayer, so he gets to keep his computer speakers. This next contest is for Dog Pound's Aliens Special Edition DVD. Can you name the song and band that spawned this lyric?
You might be the chosen one at junior high tonight.
Email your answers to Soul D. And for crying out loud, is there somone out there that can impound the pound? Oh yeah, there are secrets in this update too....
One time four really bad men went downtown and caused a ruckus. Most of them were sent away on the hell city bus, but one had to be stopped by spiderman. That man was Hugh Grant.
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