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Welcome to Unit3's terrible joke section! As he often sends me bad jokes which are sometimes even hard to comprehend I fealt he was deserving of his own terrible joke section. I don't know when this will get updated, probably whenever another joke rolls around that is as good as these...
April 12, 2000
SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket." The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right." "And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."
March 29, 2000
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How 'bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too."
"Where'd you go to college?"
"Beloit, in Wisconsin."
"No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this . . ."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you won't believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing." A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
March 15, 2000
A teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?- She calls on little Johnny. He replies, None, they all fly away with the first gun shot. The teacher replies-The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking, Then Little Johnny says -I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?- The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied -Well I suppose the one that+s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone- To which Little Johnny replied, -The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.
March 14, 2000
So...
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'. James the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious." "Well done, James" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.